So I've been avoiding this one post that has been weighing down on my conscience (for not writing it yet). Emotions have been running high and almost everyone has left Syracuse for either NYC or LA. It's the end to me of an era in a way.
My tryst with grad school ended on 14th May. Wearing that black gown and cap and taking the walk with fellow TRFers was painful, literally and metaphorically. Barely awake, suffocating in the heat with those polyester cloaks, not only did I have to really focus on Richard Edleman's soliloquy on new media but also on fighting back my tears. I probably have stated this in my earlier posts and if I try harder, I"ll risk sound cheesy, but graduation week was beautiful and yet awful. Everything just sped up in two days and next thing I know, I am helping friends pack and having to say bye - and to some it was probably a bye forever.
Let's pretend for a moment that as an adult one matures with separations. When you are 8 or 15 you cry when you move a city or your friend does but you get distracted by all the other overwhelming things that occupy your life then. When you grow older and settle into a rhythm with a group of people you can identify with and work with productively, separation is like losing a limb. You know life will have to go on, but that missing piece will always remind you of what was lost.
I can barely do justice to recollect all the moments of saying bye to some of my closest friends here but for the sake of nostalgia, I"ll do a few. Jack left first for Chicago. I realized that I would be an idiot to cry given the amazing friendship we developed so I wrote her a letter (something I love doing as parting messages) and packed the 'grape' cap along that she always teased me with. She choked up when she read it and gave me hug so hard, it squeezed the wind out of my ribs. It's ironic, how perfect our plan for living together in NYC was and yet how I am drifting towards the west coast. But that's how life is I guess.
Jess was next. Always good with hiding her emotion. She was so overwhelmed with this beginning of our 'byes' that she wanted to cry and yet she wouldn't let herself. So four days later, when I hugged her bye the night before she left 'cuse, I was so relieved to realize she was sobbing. We held each other and cried for what seemed like eternity and then just like that she held me away, said goodnight and refused to look back. I don't think my goodbyes to any of my ex- boyfriends have been that emotional :P
Carm left for Montreal a day later and I did also try helping her pack but we just ended up talking more. She is headed west coast as well so it wasn't that bad saying bye.
Persian kid is leaving for Europe day after to meet his girlfriend and while we did have our talk about missing our friendship, I am so sure I will be working with him in the near future. I"ll miss his nerdy, dorky craziness and our long conversations about nature and our cooking sessions.
For the last one week or so, I have been hanging out a lot with Jerry. I never realized before this, how much I enjoy his company. We spend close to 13 hours just driving in the last two weeks and he's probably the reason I passed my road test. He's been vouching that I won't leave for another week or so and truly enough, I decided to stay another week before I head out. Looking forward to more fun times together. I almost am tempted to move out with him and Lee to the city.
Which leaves Ryan. The elder brother I've never had. His family has adopted me as their own. Watching him around his kids and Steph, spending time over our projects, our film and now our quality time together in the yard gardening and over meals has helped me pull through some really tough times this year. I can't even imagine saying bye to him so I am not going to talk about it.
The people I met, worked with and spend my weekends cooking for and hanging out with in general, have shaped me incredibly. If someone asks me what was the most memorable aspect of my one year in the US, it will have to be the time with my classmates. The word 'school' will never be the same again and as the chosen grad speaker said on commencement the word 'orange' won't either.
I am heading out to LA in a week for an internship and from thereon I have no idea what's next in line. There's barely any savings, the loan's almost run out and I don't have a job. I've been denying how much this stresses me but somebody said to me the other day "What's the worst that can happen? You will head back home to India". How do I explain to him that my understanding of the word 'home' is not the same anymore.
