What is it about one's male friends settling down that sometimes propels you into a process of self-inspection, introspection and inquiry? You find out that the same person you shared evening walks on a beach with or laughed heartily over inane, ludicrous facts when there was no other mirth in life is suddenly getting married. And not just married to a girl but "the woman of his life".
Why at such moments do all the memories of men we've associated with flash by. You ponder upon your own state of single-hood, that one "potential" you lost to long distance, the jerks who weren't worth it and yet served as a learning curve (in the often fluctuating graph of your relationships vs wisdom chart) or that one friend you have more than chummy feelings for but can't do anything about?
Why do we re-check if we indeed are happy where we are today or if we have the choice at all to be unhappy otherwise? You ask, "Are my varied interests, plans or ambition coming in the way of seeking companionship or are they really going to be the litmus tests of finding it?"
Perhaps and only perhaps because you know that even in the simplest moments of joy with a friend who could have been more, you did catch a fleeting glimpse of what all conjugal/committed relationships boil down to. That of friendship in its most trusted and pure form. Affection, reliability and a smiling face that wipes away those furrows on your brow.
Companionship. That one other naive word for commitment.
To companions, wherever and however they appear in my life.
