It's 7 am here at Syracuse and the air is crisp and chilly. All I can hear is the whizzzz of cars passing by on the road below and the one or two birds chirping. Today will be remembered for one of my 'firsts'. New York City. Carmine, Anna, Marie and I are driving down to the Big Apple and will spend our weekend doing our own things but getting together to celebrate Carmine's birthday tonight.
I have no maps or guide books on me. I am prepared to get lost in the city...perhaps that will help me gain some perspective to how I feel now - lost.
And oh I didn't manage to arrange a camera. My first trip to NYC, one that I always fantasised and I go with no preparation no high expectations.
Sometimes it's good to surf along life this way. Makes you less numb to the rapid changes you are thrown into
More updates from NYC to follow
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
WAXING AND WANING
The most difficult part of letting go is realising that the memory of you in the other person's head will gradually fade out until it resembles a pale aura.. and that all you can do is imagine what it would have been like to still be together in ideal circumstances...until that memory is taken over by something that is more real in the present
TO FISH OR NOT TO FISH
Whoever said and insists on saying, :There's plenty of fish in the sea"...........please consider that we don't just sit around with a bait waiting to hook an 'innocent' fish and there are not many fish that are worth your taste and time.
So what now? I just have to learn how to swim! I really do. Well atleast, I'll swim along with the 'fish' (why don't they have a plural for this!!!!) Time to cross over to the other side and see what fish do to escape being bated. Just a social experiment to test male comrades in the big vast pool of eternal fishing for happiness.
Talking about fishing, I caught 23 of those little silver green ones in the pond in my village. In 45 mins. That's a record...no?
Getting back to my real life situation here and out of the analogy (which I seem to do in plenty) I am not going to drop a 'bait' into the social pool of eligible, non eligible , interesting, intelligent, good looking (such a farce this word) , flirtatious, funny or irresistible 'y' marked species. I'll just have to camouflage myself and disappear for a while, perhaps for a really long time THIS time.
Also, right now 'Hootie and the Blowfish' 's song "I only Want to Be With You' is playing like a loop in my head...Got to listen to it to purge it out of my system.
Then again some fish just swim up to you when you least expect it.....
Sigh!
So what now? I just have to learn how to swim! I really do. Well atleast, I'll swim along with the 'fish' (why don't they have a plural for this!!!!) Time to cross over to the other side and see what fish do to escape being bated. Just a social experiment to test male comrades in the big vast pool of eternal fishing for happiness.
Talking about fishing, I caught 23 of those little silver green ones in the pond in my village. In 45 mins. That's a record...no?
Getting back to my real life situation here and out of the analogy (which I seem to do in plenty) I am not going to drop a 'bait' into the social pool of eligible, non eligible , interesting, intelligent, good looking (such a farce this word) , flirtatious, funny or irresistible 'y' marked species. I'll just have to camouflage myself and disappear for a while, perhaps for a really long time THIS time.
Also, right now 'Hootie and the Blowfish' 's song "I only Want to Be With You' is playing like a loop in my head...Got to listen to it to purge it out of my system.
Then again some fish just swim up to you when you least expect it.....
Sigh!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Melted chocolate....
I barely find any enthusiasm or energy to cook these days. If I manage to crawl out of bed and shower, I give myself 6 points and then convince some super human instinct within a nook of my grey matter to propel me to function for the rest of the day in auto mode.
Coming back home today after a 2 hour meeting over a research proposal I forced myself to enter the kitchen. In saner and happier moods I clean and cook but these days my life feels like my refrigerator on the defrost mode. Yet my survival instinct - which I discovered I do possess about a year back but highly underestimate - was pushing that auto function mode. So I chopped up a large cabbage with my large butcher knife (and discovered that chopping is good therapy when distressed but no , not in the manner you'd imagine I am venting my frustration at the hapless veggie imagining it to be someone's head :P), heated up some olive oil, threw in bay leaves, cumin and the cabbage and proceeded to cook it, standing zombie like of course while I mixed it all up. A little later impatient with the fact that the food was still hot and I couldn't eat it yet, I pulled out my emergency ziploc bag with chocolate biscuits.
Barely had I popped the first biscuit into my mouth the chocolate melted and ran through my fingers...and almost immediately
these two things came to my mind with the cabbage dish which turned out half burnt and the melted chocolate:
You proceed to spice up your life by choosing very ideal and fancy ingredients and you put in your faith (sometimes despite your concerns the 'ingredient' you have chosen is better at a 'later' stage) tossing it all in with the other mundane things that you are committed to like your career, your academic endeavours or things you JUST have to do to stand on your own feet. Your dish gets all to messy all of a sudden without any warning (You didn't expect a mess ...why?! remember the faith? and how attractive spices just never make you think twice of the hierarchy in which they should be tossed into the hot oil) and there you are standing by the stove staring into the stuff you thought would turn out fine if not fantastic.
I just couldn't help but draw the analogy here....well you put aside the messed up ladle onto a clean coaster and make the most of what you are presented with. You don't always throw away a messed up dish..it turns out edible in bits and pieces and that's how life is ...you take the unpleasant, unpredictable elements or turn of events and still hold onto the faith that all is not lost. You savour your sadness, your losses for the wisdom only those moments will teach you and not the happier ones. You eventually grow less cynical and afraid and venture to make the dish again even if takes you many days, months or in some cases a few years.
Chocolate...we all love it, don't we? It gives you a sugar high, it makes your brain smile and if you like dark chocolate like me, you always want to have it when it's nice and solid. But hey...chocolate melts and sometimes when you want it bad....VERY VERY bad. Sometimes you've been waiting for that dark chocolate to come into your hands for a while and can't resist the urge to quickly open the wrapper to sink in your teeth at the very first chance you see it.......only to find a gooey dark liquid running down your hands. Well, I say go ahead, indulge in it even if it gets you looking messy. Clean up after you've had your fill and smile because you atleast got to taste your much 'craved' for chocolate even if it decided to surprise you with a change of form
C'est la vie....non?
Coming back home today after a 2 hour meeting over a research proposal I forced myself to enter the kitchen. In saner and happier moods I clean and cook but these days my life feels like my refrigerator on the defrost mode. Yet my survival instinct - which I discovered I do possess about a year back but highly underestimate - was pushing that auto function mode. So I chopped up a large cabbage with my large butcher knife (and discovered that chopping is good therapy when distressed but no , not in the manner you'd imagine I am venting my frustration at the hapless veggie imagining it to be someone's head :P), heated up some olive oil, threw in bay leaves, cumin and the cabbage and proceeded to cook it, standing zombie like of course while I mixed it all up. A little later impatient with the fact that the food was still hot and I couldn't eat it yet, I pulled out my emergency ziploc bag with chocolate biscuits.
Barely had I popped the first biscuit into my mouth the chocolate melted and ran through my fingers...and almost immediately
these two things came to my mind with the cabbage dish which turned out half burnt and the melted chocolate:
You proceed to spice up your life by choosing very ideal and fancy ingredients and you put in your faith (sometimes despite your concerns the 'ingredient' you have chosen is better at a 'later' stage) tossing it all in with the other mundane things that you are committed to like your career, your academic endeavours or things you JUST have to do to stand on your own feet. Your dish gets all to messy all of a sudden without any warning (You didn't expect a mess ...why?! remember the faith? and how attractive spices just never make you think twice of the hierarchy in which they should be tossed into the hot oil) and there you are standing by the stove staring into the stuff you thought would turn out fine if not fantastic.
I just couldn't help but draw the analogy here....well you put aside the messed up ladle onto a clean coaster and make the most of what you are presented with. You don't always throw away a messed up dish..it turns out edible in bits and pieces and that's how life is ...you take the unpleasant, unpredictable elements or turn of events and still hold onto the faith that all is not lost. You savour your sadness, your losses for the wisdom only those moments will teach you and not the happier ones. You eventually grow less cynical and afraid and venture to make the dish again even if takes you many days, months or in some cases a few years.
Chocolate...we all love it, don't we? It gives you a sugar high, it makes your brain smile and if you like dark chocolate like me, you always want to have it when it's nice and solid. But hey...chocolate melts and sometimes when you want it bad....VERY VERY bad. Sometimes you've been waiting for that dark chocolate to come into your hands for a while and can't resist the urge to quickly open the wrapper to sink in your teeth at the very first chance you see it.......only to find a gooey dark liquid running down your hands. Well, I say go ahead, indulge in it even if it gets you looking messy. Clean up after you've had your fill and smile because you atleast got to taste your much 'craved' for chocolate even if it decided to surprise you with a change of form
C'est la vie....non?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)