Homecoming

They rattle in my head
The noise of those wheels
As you drag my bags down your stairs
Your disciplined steps finding their way to your car

Your loyalty to organisation helping me pack
A facade for holding back our combined grief
Mine, of leaving one home to arrive at another
Yours, the impossibility of my staying

Through sterile airports, through familiar faces to be met again
Through homecoming and remembering what I left two years ago
Through numerous "hellos" and "it's been so long"
Your sad smile and hushed whispers is etched out most bold

The rains have arrived here, the streets are flooded
While it's the same crispy sun that greets you back there
Such ironic contrasts given the state of our minds
Would you exchange yours for mine?

Now, it's about time and distance
About narrowing our losses and counting our blessings
Taking stock of what could lie ahead
Sifting through those questions we dared not address earlier

I tell you, this has been some homecoming
To leave one that made life bearable in a foreign land
Only to return to another I seemed so sad to leave
If only I could exchange mine for yours.

RED

Time. It hops and skips and leaps ahead of you. Within a year of my move to Los Angeles, time seems to have taken a grip of my heels and thrown me backwards. Over and over again. What with being laid off, losing my apartment, having to spend my savings to be reduced to penury for my dysfunctional second hand Beetle and now the imminent return to India....time challenged me to a marathon it seems to have known I would lose.

In the midst of all this, the one stable and constant source of calm and comfort apart from dear friends and family has been Red. Given how badly I wanted to return to India, it's ironic that one person can make me reconsider the option. We will squabble over it then take comfort from our mutual silence. We will hold hands and walk by the lake. We will meet eye to eye, our breath nestled in our sleep. And when I awake without that hand in mine, I will wonder of the life that I could have and what all I am ready to give up for it.

Here's to you Red. Damn you can be persuasive!

What's left to tell

What's left to tell
Except that your silence worries me
Your calm, your zen and maturity
Aren't assuring

When did you get ahead of this friendship
What fears and joy propelled you to see me
As someone like your own
That sense of self you want to find in your ideal

What's left to tell
Except that I thought you were different
My sadness purged, now I feel numb
Because boys will come and go, but you were meant to stay

A fellow prankster, poet, dreamer
Restless souls that screamed out in delight
When they saw how sorry the rest of the world is
For hesitating to take flight

What's left to tell
You probably are better off without the bond we shared
Our half baked ideas of script and images
That have now come to haunt my walls

You have time and your work
And in my heart I wish you more than well
I wish you fortitude, vision and laughter
I wish your locks and verse grow even longer

What's left to tell
Silence is now my friend
Our lives move on
But our conversations can still be heard out there ....reflected by our cosmic souls

"Was it something I said?"

  I just finished watching 'Chasing Amy' that free spirited indie flick written by Kevin Smith in the late 90s. I remember how fresh and honest the writing was even though the scenes seemed disjointed. In the end, I bet every high school teenager or yuppy New Yorker was quoting Ben Affleck's monologue to Alyssa, the girl he is in love with who happens to be gay. 

Here's to the essence of affection and sincerity that people have felt for us perhaps in a higher degree than we've been able to respond to them with. Here's saluting the idea of finding not the missing piece but the piece that complements us in our thoughts and action. And yes...straight or gay...to all relationships that mean a lifetime's happiness in themselves. Even if they aren't the 'standard' as Holden puts it. Most of all, here's to the friendships we've found when we least expected them but also had to lose when we needed them most in our lives.

Alyssa Jones: Why are we stopping?
Holden McNeil: Because I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I had to say it. I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. you can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it- I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
(Alyssa opens the door and exits the car)
Holden: (sighs and then to himself) Was it something I said?

Thou shalt pig for tonight

I was out with a gourmand all evening and what an evening it was! But T despite his honest admission of how he loves to eat is an exception in this breed of people because he also takes a a lot of effort in understanding what is in his food and will go to great lengths to replicate something he wants to eat and eat well. Once when in Italy, he spent two weeks with his Italian friend's grandmother understanding how the real semolina pasta and fresh sauce are made. And over dinner today, I got a lowdown about every food and liquer I was eating with him. God bless people who are happy to eat, cook and share their knowledge about food!

We were off to the Farmer's Market but this crazy town begins shutting at 9AM so we settled for a not so great but just about decent Thai on Venice called 'Natalee Thai'. The Surmai squid delight was chilly, for the first time ever and the soup was perfect with the lemon leaves and lemon blended to perfection. I wouldn't recommend this restaurant unless you have no place to go around because it has one of the most confused hostess and a shortage of hands when it comes to bussers. That apart, they often bring out a flaming barbecue very low over your head as you are trying to settle in to your cozy meal.

Next, I drove T to 'The village Idiot' on Martel and Melrose. I found this place with a couple of friends who all love cider and believe it or not unlike the fascination of hard liquor, hard cider hits you very slow after being refreshing for the first half hour or so. The after effect in my case is a lot of laughter, longer conversation , teasing and magic tricks I would never attempt. I love the candle lit feel to the place with its high wooden beams and very East Coast stone look. Sadly though I got a parking violation right after this awesome binge wich took the fizz out of my cider spree :(

We decided to catch a film at Pacific on Culver Blvd but instead landed up in Ugo, a really nice Italian place for great deserts and digestifs. I had the dulci with chocolate ganache and T got his customary espresso sho. Note: caramel infused liquers esp desert wine (dulci) are better than a sambuca or limoncello to go with dark chocolate delights.

We were late for the movies so we decided to drive out to Mulholland. Then it started raining and in LA it's always a fine drizzle that overtakes the entire city. Bad vision and hence this otherwise scenic route was pointless. So at 2AM we decide to drive towards Hollywood. T suddenly starts complaining that I never told him about the Korean eat outs (given I declare I love Kemchi). So we change route and head to 9th and West 3rd and find an all night Korean place where drunk girls in the shortest dresses and boys with side swept bangs ( which would put Justin Bieber's to shame) are all eating hot bubbly rice gruel with eggs dropped in. We walk in and realize this is the first place we should have stoped at. In 15 minutes, we have kemchi (the combo of pickled cabbage, chillies and whatever you can name) with fried fish and rice gruel with hot tofu soup. We chat about all the south east asian cuisine we love, the countries I absolutely need to travel to and our common love for Gerald Durrell and Corfu. Why didn't I ever get to hang out with T in Mumbai?!!!

We are back by 3 AM but not before I get a proper 'Chi' treatment by T himself to alleviate my bad right shoulder. We hug goodnight and decide to take the weekend slower on our stomachs.

I forget how much fun it is to hang out with people born in the late 70s. It's been a tough few days but I think February and more gastronomic adventures through the nooks and crannies of LA instead of the more predictable restaurants is going to keep me going.

Thanks T for awakening the foodie in me once again :)

Ode to a loss

For you my friend..... for you my friend

Speeding through the freeways

Cheesy rap songs

Long drives through a city's neon lights

For you my friend...for you my friend

Flowers that brought on a smile

Car washes infused with sheer fright

Soupy garlic laden food munched in delight

For you my friend...for you my friend

Action flicks never watched before

Fruity white wine over long hours

Nights home wasn't nice to return to alone

For you my friend...for you my friend

I drove with courage and laughed out loud

I pushed my way through unknown crowds

And saw a city unlike before

For you my friend... for you my friend

Yogurt is no longer just passe

Songs on the radio seem more than just a tune

And driving around has become an excuse to look out for you