It's the conflict that refuses to die out, its crazed eruption as chaotic as the tussle between the two emotions - that dominate the mind which is tired of confronting this conflict at its heart: love and hate. Hate being such a strong word and one I'd like to use minimally in my lifetime, perhaps I should say love and animosity.
The fact is, as despairing it is to me and baffling for people close to me, love gets animosity by the throat and swallows up loathing, repulsion and anger. Love chokes up what logic and rationale dictates. And if these conflicting emotions resurface over and over again, then surely it's the brain that processes, filters and stamps out my thoughts. And the brain is supposed to streamline logic and rationale , not the mind right? So what really then would be logic? Listening to the mind or the brain
And so as the clock strikes 12 tonight, the one emotion that seems to stand out like a thread gone haywire - yet unmistakable in its peculiar way of standing out from the remaining threads weaved in logic, in the warp and weft of a fabric - is anything but animosity.
Yes, they were right in saying you can't demonise a certain someone who caused you tremedous grief, you can't demonise that person to fight the angst within you today the person has caused by his/her acts yesterday. The only demon one needs to fight is the bipolar self. The one that lusts to take over all the goodness, calm, tolerance and above all one single prescious emotion within the other half of you. It's the one that helps you survive all the insanity out there. Love isn't lost. It stays within, perhaps a bit quietly, tamed by wisening years and new experiences. But it stays.
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