SUIT UP!

I may be underestimating my friend’s serious tone when she sighs as I announce that I am going shopping to the mall. But she has a good reason for doing so. I will come to that in a while.

My trip to the mall is never just a cursory one. When I am at the mall I don’t simply frolick around or window shop, sighing with bated breath as I pass by one of those sexy outfits ; the price tag on the said piece of clothing equating it to a heavy gold relic from El Dorado but weighing over the anorexic ‘plaster of paris’ mannequins.

Leading a grad student life with limited funds and time, I rarely visit the mall. But the few times I do, I have an agenda. And that is to shop till I drop. But only because I REALLY need to shop.

My recent trip was catalysed by a panic-stricken epiphany that I did not have the right formal attire to attend a conference in New York. Of course if you’ve appeared for interviews which I have back in India, one would have basic black suit and trousers to go. And I did. Except that it was cut in 2006, at a time when I neither had a very keen eye for corporate attire nor the funds to possess an immaculate set.

Which reminds me of where the suit was made and I must distract myself for a while to tell this story; at the Raymond’s showroom in New Empire market in Kolkata. Raymond’s did I say? Fancy you would think. Na-ah! I forgot to mention. It was exclusively for men! Given my family’s love for good tailoring and the old craftsmanship of this skill (which can only be found these days in the small-town neighbouhood ‘dorji’s dokan’) my family has always had an obsession to get trousers, shirts and even denim tailor made. So when my sister joined the corporate ranks after her fancy MBA, international brands and SGP’s fashion houses didn’t do it for her. Instead she got her suits and even buttoned down shirts made in this hallowed sanctuary for middle class corporate professionals. ‘Masterji’ as everyone fondly referred to the head tailor at that showroom would have basked in glory had he seen Arthur D Little’s executives stop by didi’s desk to ask her where she’d bought her perfect fitting pearl grey shirt.

Now getting back to my friend’s ominous sigh. I am a dread to go shopping along with when I have an agenda. Sure enough this specific friend promptly informed me that she had ‘homework to do’. On such visits to the urban mecca of consumer crap, I almost always know exactly what I want and will go to and fro from one store to another comparing prices, trying things on until I know for a fact, that my dollar is being well spent. It’s not the Indian desi mentality, no –oh! For those who knew me in my early earning days back in Mumbai, they would have sworn that Sophie Kinsella’s lead in ‘Shopaholic’ must have been based on me. In comparison now, I may take longer to arrive at a decision comparing clothes but that way I have been able to hold back from impulsive shopping decisions.

But this particular mall excursion will go down in the annals of history…..my unique history, of the countless shopping trips that resulted in things being bought but never used or never needed. This time I needed a suit and I was prepared for the trauma that would come with looking for one. I am either a wreck trying to find the right fit or providing entertainment to the sales girls giggling as a cackle of geese as they watch me float around, arms and legs akimbo in clothes that merit a person of more Goliath-like proportions. But little did I know what I was in for on this fateful day.

I didn’t waste any time going to a Macy’s or Lord and Tylor’s instead boldly stepping into Banana Republic. My wallet was shrinking in horror as I inched towards the slick black suits lined up in front. They yielded like silk and butter (imagine a combo of that!) in my hands and elicited deeper and more heartfelt sighs than my friend’s. I think ‘grad student’ must have struck her instantly because she led me to a depressing ‘grey’ section that was on sale. Note. Greys are perhaps the only thing always on sale! I must have looked real forlorn or God had decided that this was to be the day my faith in good salesmanship must be restored. The salesgirl asked me to hold on and promptly disappeared to a storage section which didn’t strike me to be good because all rejected or bad fits land up there. A few minutes later she emerged cheerfully asking “Is this okay?”

Okay! Hell it was more than okay. It was the super duper okay of O Ks! I hurried into the trial room and low behold. This slate blue suit with a subtle blue trimming and a matching skirt just the perfect length and perrrrrrrrrfect fit (needless to say moi’s derriere looked nice in it ) was on me…NO , it was made just for me. A double zero (beat that Kareen aKapoor!!) she said. I was a double zero and so was the suit!!!! HALLEJUAH!

I left the mall a happier and more optimistic person that day. There’s been a spring in my step and a whistle on my lips. I don my fancy suit and skirt and tread the streets of New York tomorrow…a person whose faith in wardrobe miracles has been restored.

Rambling 2.0

Every now and then ten twenty different things are pounding at my brain. Punching my anterior lobe, knocking hard on my skull to take a more prosaic form. The thoughts are mostly reflections over the latest updates of my life. Sometimes even more trifling: just day to day events in their miniscule details. And they find their way, trickling gradually from my grey matter, sparking off neurons here and there, trailing through my veins, pulsating at my fingertips and finally free ...free on my screen as my fingers go 'clickity clack' on the keyboard (:) when was the last time you heard anyone use that 60s comic strip lingo?)

So here's one my long due posts..meandering, rambling and yet another way of catharsis...of reaching out economically and subtly to people who I know want to or may like to know what life as a Grad student in upstate New York has been like since Fall semester began.

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Come end of a semester and registration for a new one, you will be tearing your hair apart or your advisor's to understand how you can leverage your credits, your precious dollar heavy credits for courses that are worth your time and investment into a Master's education. I seem to have whistled my way through Fall sem with just 12 credits in my basket and now I have to take 16........that's five 3 credit courses and one 1 credit course. What was I thinking?!!!!!!!!

As you inch closer to graduating, you want good work under your belt to show to the industry and to assure yourself that your loan back in India is worth what you are doing...so last minute scrambling around to meet Professors, long conversations with fellow students and copious amounts of scanning courses....I am still struggling to make my choice.

p.s just for context, 3 credits is worth half my annual salary back in India and let's not even go there

!!!!!!!

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Ryan and I are ..I think inching closer to beginning our research paper on 'tween shows'. Ryan is my dear friend and colleague from Canada. Given our shared love and interest in developing content for children, we decided to use our final paper for TV Research this semester to analyse popular Nickelodeon and Disney shows for tweens (kids aged 9-14) and script a pilot for our own show. ...which I hope we will pitch and hopefully see in production mode in the near future. Also, I will be Ryan's Producer for his short film in which he will cast his own kids. A short film for and by kids.....Super super excited :)

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My self appointed advisor is so stressed out that her rear molars are crumbling. The dentist recommended she sleep with a night guard in her mouth. I knew stress leads to hair fall, acne, dark circles, foul temper, irregular bowel syndrome. Now your molars are also at threat! And you know why? Because when you are stressed you subconsciously clench your jaws tighter, building up pressure and grinding your upper teeth against the lower set.

I need a night guard too...and to add to this recent cause of anxiety, a cavity seems sure and I don't have dental insurance. In the US, you cannot get yourself treated for something as simple as a cavity filling for anything less than $ 200 without insurance.

Remind me why it's great to live in India...no please do!

Conclusion...wait till May 2011 until I visit India. Until I probably lose my canine tool for enjoying my meat. Retarded developed country's ill-developed health insurance plans...grrr

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Which brings me to what I do best when I am stressed or upset......

EAT/COOK!

Jess and I spent over an hour grocery shopping. Considering the crap I've been eating (note sliders are bad, just plain BAD ...nothing more to be said there!) for a few days now, my cart was loaded with things that looked like I had just pulled off a heist at the Garden of Eden.

Dinner today?

I tried something new.

Pears chopped up and mixed in with fresh mint. Balsamic vinegar ....and a drizzle of parmesan cheese. I ate up a whole bowl of that and could have had more.

Followed by whole wheat tortilla stuffed with Indian eggplant mix...my favourite 'baingan bharta'

I was combining homework with dinner...so finally watched 'Bottle Rocket' and made notes for my screenwriter's analysis of Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson........ I can go on but for anyone who has not watched Anderson's films....it's better late than never! So start with Bottle Rocket or Rushmore and move on to Darjeeling Ltd....By now you get a sense that this director's works are mostly based on a club of men who have their fantasy ridden worlds propelling them to seek out adventure in the most unconventional fashion. A band of brothers and friends is often your main characters ....throw in a motley group of characters who appear in most of his works : Kumar Pallana, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman....the Wilson brothers of course.....

You could then watch what I consider his epic piece 'The Royal Tenenbaums'

:D

Getting back to my gourmet rant

I had two courses for dinner but then nothing stops me...so Hammas and wheat crackers....and then

Marshmallows to seal the feast

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I am hooked to The Office! The American version. Dwight and Jim are my favourites. Jim well......yes I guess Rohini is right. Sensitive, funny and caring Jim is every woman's dream ....most women I know fall in love with this character pretty hard...so hard that some actually go out looking for a Jim version in reality! Carm confirmed this is true!

Here Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim...Jimmy?

:)

Applause for the writer for fleshing out such consistent , well thought of eccentric characters....especially Dwight. Of proud German inheritance, raised rough in the country and high on loyalty and duty...Schrute rocks with his knowledge of warfare, detective skills and sales acumen that would put his boss to shame!

His beet farm really did it for me though...No wait! I think it was his knowledge of manure

:P

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Dramatic Writing has proved to be the most beneficial and fun class this semester. Watching my colleagues have their scripts read and 'improvised' by class was a real life professional feedback session. It feels good to know that I have a solid litmus test to run my script through and gauge its creative potential. Finally finished my scene outlines for the feature length film that's my final work for this class. Scripting will begin this weekend perhaps en route and in New York......Might just perch myself on a stool by a cafe's window-side for inspiration and type and type .......

I forgot to mention.

I was accepted for a Multi-cultural career workshop being organised by The International Radio and Television Society in NYC next week......

It's always good to visit the city that makes you feel at home instantly

New York...here I come

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w.a.l.k

How do you make peace with being unable to engage with someone the way you did, the way it felt really right and in a way that outdid your imagined version of it to be?

Do you count your days, weeks and months until jet trails can take you back , back to a moment where you could summon the strength to knock on the door again. Spend your year, maybe two, maybe more in willing suspension of disbelief......until your heart is purged of feeling and thought exclusive for a person?

Do you spend a few moments now and then doing what the tech-age has enabled all of us to, stalk someone, virtually...trace there scribbles but promise yourself a detached afterthought....

Or do you follow your impulse and reach out...only to be pacified and counseled "train yourself to hold back"

I am holding on.........to a blankness within me...the blanks will fill up in due time. Won't they?

It's funny how a year earlier, just around this same time, a marathon sparked off a thought in my head. I had no idea I would chase that thought through.

I also had no idea I would be left behind in that chase.

On a very different thought...I am headed to New York in a week's time for work. This time I will find time to walk and walk longer through unknown streets and avenues.

Walking to keep ahead of my thoughts, walking until I find in me that I can run.........once again

p.s The New York marathon and the Bimal Mahato story just came to my mind

Hmm 2011 NY marathon...if I am still here

Pause and Play

The brevity and rationale of it all

Seems illogical, today, right now

If I were to write all night,

I would write all that I want to tell you

The brevity and rationale of our last conversation

Was a convenient guise

Yours, because you choose to say little and move away

Mine because I wanted you to stay

Heart's rending across virtual spaces

This is what our long friendship has come down to

You scribble on your walls

I on mine

Both wondering if the other will trace our thoughts marked with words

Yes. I do want to hear, talk and feel

But I hold myself together and back from your words

Words that I will imagine for now

For I have no strength to utter or hear

Garbled, incoherent, unsure or timid ones from your end

Strong, clear, courageous and bold

Those were your steps

Until you left your footprints on my porch

And left no trace or understanding of who I knew you to be

So let us begin our conversations in our virtual spaces

In our minds or on our walls

I know your move will not be the first

And I am not sure what will be mine

Nostalgia

I know it ...

I know it when I wake up to a pale grey sky, slightly disoriented about the dream I have had early in the morning

I know it when I recall Ma and Baba's smiles and how they danced to Rafi's songs

The streets, the smell and the flavours are beginning to bleach white...

I know I want to return... before my land becomes a mere figment of my imagination

Saturday Night...Time for Delight

There are these rare days where misery and hope collide one losing out to the other

After location scouting for over an hour, trudging through University's rolling slopes, in the cold, empty stomach, losing my way through staircases that led nowhere and doors that didn't really help me get where I wanted to, I landed up at Marshall Street craving for Waffles. 7 phone calls down, not a single person was free to have a meal with me....

Giddy, mad, and wanting to shout the f word loudly for the whole campus (stark raving mad woman images can be conjured here) I stormed into the library. 25 minutes later, a watery tea, a croissant and banana down, I finally trudged to the bus stop

I convinced myself to hammer out one chapter of Commn Law and the evening rolled in

Jacque came to my rescue (as usual). Carmine accompanied me

Asian story fry, Malibu with Apple cider, double helping of chocolate chip dough and a steaming cuppa of peppermint tea....the ladies entertained me with their performances to Les Miserables and Anastasia.

Tip to my male readers and friends : never give up an opportunity to befriend or date women who have been trained in musicals ;)

Long discussions also happened - of unconventional endings for romantic comedies (Carm is doing a TV research paper on it this semester), ex boyfriends who would have made unsuitable life partners, dates which made you think why you are unwilling to make use of whatever

(read who) comes your way for now, of pumpkin ale and becoming someone's therapy (Jacque was victim to it today by a 40 year old who is recently separated) and the lack of intelligent dating sites in India.........

Came back and danced like bonkers to music just for and by myself ..after aeons..and then for R on Skype who was too happy being regaled by this virtual Saturday partying with her best friend in NY while she was sitting in Singapore

I get by with a little help from my friends .....

An evening with women like Jacque and Carm makes up for all the crappy Saturday nights, blues and home-sickness

Like Ma says "Saturday Night, time for delight!!!"

:)

delight..........

An unsung note

Reading about a random rant on someone's blog....

sometimes you could become so insignificant to someone you wanted so badly that it all becomes unecessarily signififcant....

Spoke to J for about an hour straight through an entire party snuck away in a corner with everyone throwing us curious looks

But I couldn't care...Here was a guy speaking to me about how pathetic it is to know someone loves you, someone you share a compatibility with so good enough that you doubt you will ever find it again. J is going through a testing time because he is in a long distance relationship and he really likes this girl but the time period and distance don't seem feasible. I told J he reminded me of someone I lost recently, lost to miles and lack of conviction. Just hearing him talk about fidelity and attachment was enough to want to encourage him to do whatever suits him for now. And that was hypocritical, because I've been the girl on the other end, had it all offered and had it all taken away because of someone being uncertain or simply not interested in seeing what they initially believed worth pursuing to it's logical end (whatever that might have been)

I heard him out , answered questions about my past, immediate and further back....and also committed myself to being his DP/ cameraperson for a pilot of an wildlife series (it never hurts to fantasize)

And as I stepped out of his car, we shook hands, agreed to do a meal and then these words tumbled out

j: "A lot of bad things happen, but life has too many beautiful things to offer. So try to remind yourself of that"

r: "Let's touch base in 5 years and then see if that's true"